Self Esteem, Boundaries & People Pleasing

Understanding Low Self Esteem & People Pleasing

Many people who struggle with low self worth or chronic people pleasing don’t learn these patterns by accident, they are often shaped through early relational experiences. When your safety, connection, or belonging depended on being “easy,” agreeable, responsible, or self sacrificing, it becomes second nature to prioritize others at the expense of yourself.

Over time, this can lead to low self esteem, emotional burnout, resentment, difficulty setting boundaries, feeling invisible, or disconnecting from your own needs and preferences. Often, these patterns are deeply connected to attachment wounds, childhood emotional neglect, parentification, or relational trauma.

Why Boundaries Feel Hard

Boundaries are not about being “selfish.” They’re about having a healthy, flexible sense of self. But if you learned early on that setting limits caused conflict, rejection, guilt, or emotional distance, boundaries can feel overwhelming, or even dangerous.

In therapy, we explore the root of these patterns with compassion. You don’t need to “fix” yourself, you’re learning to reclaim parts of you that had to go quiet to stay safe.

My Approach

I integrate several evidence based and trauma informed approaches to support healing:

  • Trauma-informed and attachment-based therapy to explore the roots of people-pleasing and self-worth struggles

  • Somatic therapy to help you notice guilt, fear, or shutdown in the body when setting boundaries

  • Parts-informed work to understand the younger parts of you who learned to keep the peace

  • CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) to challenge the core beliefs ("I’m a burden," "I have to earn love") that keep you stuck

  • DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) to build skills in assertiveness, emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness

  • Relational repair within the therapeutic relationship, so you can experience being met with steadiness, respect, and attunement

Together, we work to shift both the emotional and behavioral patterns that make it hard to trust your needs and voice.

Who This work is for

This type of therapy can support you if you:

  • Struggle to say no or set boundaries

  • Feel responsible for others’ emotions or reactions

  • Experience guilt or anxiety when you think about prioritizing yourself

  • Overfunction, overgive, or become the “fixer” in relationships

  • Apologize often or over explain

  • Feel unappreciated, invisible, or resentful

  • Struggle with decision making or knowing what you want

  • Carry low self esteem, perfectionism, or fear of conflict

    This work supports those navigating anxious attachment, chronic self-doubt, people-pleasing, C-PTSD, childhood emotional neglect, and relational patterns that feel hard to break.

What To expect in session

In our sessions, we may slow down and explore what’s happening in real time, your thoughts, emotions, body responses, and relational patterns. We integrate CBT and DBT tools with deeper attachment work so you can:

  • Strengthen self-worth

  • Set boundaries that feel safe and aligned

  • Understand and communicate your needs

  • Reduce guilt, anxiety, or fear around saying no

  • Build emotional regulation skills

  • Shift out of people-pleasing patterns

  • Create more balanced, authentic relationships